Topic : How to better relationship with your parents.
Main theme:
Suffering from mis-communication and misunderstanding with my mom, I decided to study the parent-child relationship. In the end, I come up with some useful tips to build a
Topic sentences for 1st paragraph: Communication problems cause arguments and fights between me and my parents.
sub-point1. you don't have enough patient listening to your parents, or ypur parents aren't enough patient to finish listening to you?
(Children are imitators,They behave the way they see others behave.If you want to teach your children patience, you must be patient yourself. →This is written by an internet writer i think...
But the other sources from another website wrote this :kids don't behave because they like their parents; kids behave because it's in their best interests to behave.So parents who compromise about household rules in order to get their kids to do what they want are missing the point. Instead of trying to get your child to like you in order to behave, what you have to do is get your child to like his life, his privileges, his friends, and his independence.)
sub-point2. you both have misunderstanding over the subject.
(Maybe it's just like the paragraph say "people in conflict do not communicate with each other as frequently, as openly, and as accurately as they do when relationships are not strained.")
sub-point3. one of you refuse to listen to other's voice.
(As parents, we think we’re all great listeners, but the truth is, most of us can learn a lot about listening.
"My child said he wanted me to listen without as much judgment. That wasn’t easy for me! He was making some choices that I disagreed with (which all teenagers do). His argument was that he was also making a lot of good choices, and he wanted me to let him live his life. ")
Topic sentences for the 2nd paragraph:you have misunderstaning between you and your parents.
sub-point 1.Assert your point and ask for some space.
sub-point2. Appear 'well-balanced', defend your positions without raising your voice, but be firm.
sub-point3. try to explain the whole situation in a gentle attitude.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX74NUPXByw
(it's a clip that one girl wanted to talk about misunderstanding between parents and kids.)
http://powertochange.com/studies/getting-along-with-your-parents/
(and this is a website that list a few questions to let kids find out what kind of problems do they have with their parents and it seems to have feedbacks.)
BTW I THINK I CAN STILL LIST A LOT OF POINTS RIGHT HERE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN I LIST...(I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ORGANIZE THOSE THOUGHTS INTO LINES.)
Topic sentences for 3rd paragraph: how to solve the problem.
1.tips to improve communication
(this is from a website which list the way to fix communication problems
o 1 Find out what happened and get them talking. In order to fix communication problems, you will primarily have to be a good listener. If a problem exists between two people, try to listen to what each has to say separately and privately. Avoid telling them they will have to eventually speak with the other party involved. The aim here is to allow each person to vent.
o 2 Determine the source of conflict. Fights or arguments are rarely about a single occurrence or event. You can get some background about a situation and the people involved by talking with teachers, friends or family members.
o 3 Consider cultural differences. Cultural differences between people can spawn a host of problems. Oftentimes, conflicts arise because of a simple lack of understanding. Use reverse role play to help people better understand each other.
o 4 Bring both parties together and set ground rules. People need to understand that arguing can be a valuable skill. They also need to know there are acceptable and unacceptable ways to fight with each other. Be sure to set ground rules as to how the discussion will progress. Tell them that personal attacks are a non-productive form of fighting, for example.
o 5 Use a professional or educational mediator. If all else fails, enlist the services of someone who is formally trained to fix communication problems between people. Many professional mediators are highly educated counselors, lawyers and some are even former judges. Most businesses and schools have free services for students or employees, for example.)
( 1. Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
i'll list my own later...because i think it's a little bit hard for me to write down now... but i'll still think of it
2. try to find out what made you sperate from your parents and fix your mistakes(EX. your attitude, your behavior)
i'll list about this later too...
3.and if it's your parents problems but you are the one who is blamed to take the responsibility, what can you do?
for me, i think i'll just keep trying to made them understand that they are not always the right side. i'll try to find one way that can let them understand my feelings but also realize that they maybe can use another way to treat me.
topic sentences for the 4th paragraph: what do parents think when they have a fight with their children because of different opinons, and what about children?
(i think i'll let this part be the interview part.)
And i found an interesting website: http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-Will-Never-Change-Their-Behavior.php though it's for parents, but i think the information will be useful.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4457456_fix-communication-problems.htmland another totally match to my topic.
Main theme:
Suffering from mis-communication and misunderstanding with my mom, I decided to study the parent-child relationship. In the end, I come up with some useful tips to build a
Topic sentences for 1st paragraph: Communication problems cause arguments and fights between me and my parents.
sub-point1. you don't have enough patient listening to your parents, or ypur parents aren't enough patient to finish listening to you?
(Children are imitators,They behave the way they see others behave.If you want to teach your children patience, you must be patient yourself. →This is written by an internet writer i think...
But the other sources from another website wrote this :kids don't behave because they like their parents; kids behave because it's in their best interests to behave.So parents who compromise about household rules in order to get their kids to do what they want are missing the point. Instead of trying to get your child to like you in order to behave, what you have to do is get your child to like his life, his privileges, his friends, and his independence.)
sub-point2. you both have misunderstanding over the subject.
(Maybe it's just like the paragraph say "people in conflict do not communicate with each other as frequently, as openly, and as accurately as they do when relationships are not strained.")
sub-point3. one of you refuse to listen to other's voice.
(As parents, we think we’re all great listeners, but the truth is, most of us can learn a lot about listening.
"My child said he wanted me to listen without as much judgment. That wasn’t easy for me! He was making some choices that I disagreed with (which all teenagers do). His argument was that he was also making a lot of good choices, and he wanted me to let him live his life. ")
Topic sentences for the 2nd paragraph:you have misunderstaning between you and your parents.
sub-point 1.Assert your point and ask for some space.
sub-point2. Appear 'well-balanced', defend your positions without raising your voice, but be firm.
sub-point3. try to explain the whole situation in a gentle attitude.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX74NUPXByw
(it's a clip that one girl wanted to talk about misunderstanding between parents and kids.)
http://powertochange.com/studies/getting-along-with-your-parents/
(and this is a website that list a few questions to let kids find out what kind of problems do they have with their parents and it seems to have feedbacks.)
BTW I THINK I CAN STILL LIST A LOT OF POINTS RIGHT HERE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN I LIST...(I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ORGANIZE THOSE THOUGHTS INTO LINES.)
Topic sentences for 3rd paragraph: how to solve the problem.
1.tips to improve communication
(this is from a website which list the way to fix communication problems
o 1 Find out what happened and get them talking. In order to fix communication problems, you will primarily have to be a good listener. If a problem exists between two people, try to listen to what each has to say separately and privately. Avoid telling them they will have to eventually speak with the other party involved. The aim here is to allow each person to vent.
o 2 Determine the source of conflict. Fights or arguments are rarely about a single occurrence or event. You can get some background about a situation and the people involved by talking with teachers, friends or family members.
o 3 Consider cultural differences. Cultural differences between people can spawn a host of problems. Oftentimes, conflicts arise because of a simple lack of understanding. Use reverse role play to help people better understand each other.
o 4 Bring both parties together and set ground rules. People need to understand that arguing can be a valuable skill. They also need to know there are acceptable and unacceptable ways to fight with each other. Be sure to set ground rules as to how the discussion will progress. Tell them that personal attacks are a non-productive form of fighting, for example.
o 5 Use a professional or educational mediator. If all else fails, enlist the services of someone who is formally trained to fix communication problems between people. Many professional mediators are highly educated counselors, lawyers and some are even former judges. Most businesses and schools have free services for students or employees, for example.)
( 1. Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
2.
Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about
what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly
effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really
listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive.
Just hear them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard.
Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen to
you.
3.
Try To See Their
Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily
want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get
the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the
time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody
feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better
explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others
will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.
4.
Respond to
Criticism with Empathy: When someone
comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get
defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by
the other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other person’s
pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for what’s true in
what they’re saying; that can be valuable information for you.
5.
Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness.
Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share
some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and
admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and
shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind,
leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
6.
Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin
statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I
feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less
defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather
than feeling attacked.
7.
Look for
Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the
argument, look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through
compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this
focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the
other’s expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both
sides can be happy with.
8.
Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too difficult to continue a
discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or
your partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some
destructive communication patterns, it’s okay to take a break from the
discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good communication means knowing
when to take a break.
9.
Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always
come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive
attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view or
at least find a solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution
to the conflict. Unless it’s time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up
on communication.
10.
Ask For Help If
You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble
staying respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with
your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving,
you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or
family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve
future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often
benefit from going alone.
11.
Bonus Tools:
o
What is your
communication style? Learn more about how you communicate and how this may
affect your relationships and stress levels with the Assertiveness Quiz.
o
Are you a
perfectionist? Type A? Knowing more about your personality and they way you
manage stress (and finding targeted recommendations for better stress
management) can positively affect your relationships as well. Take other personality tests.
o
Lowering your stress
levels can help you to feel more relaxed in general, and this can help you to
be more present, relaxed, and fun-loving in your relationships. These free e-courses can help you to
manage the stress in your life in a more ongoing way.
Tips:
1.
Remember that the goal
of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a
solution that pleases both parties, not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being
right’.
2.
This doesn’t work in
every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a conflict in a romantic
relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk.
This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support
one another.
3.
Keep in mind that it’s
important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like
their actions.
4.
Here's a list of
common unhealthy ways to handle
conflict. Do you do some of these? If so, your poor communication
skills could be causing additional stress in your life.
5.
For more communication
and stress management resources, sign up for the free weekly newsletter, or
explore these additional stress
management resources.)
i'll list my own later...because i think it's a little bit hard for me to write down now... but i'll still think of it
2. try to find out what made you sperate from your parents and fix your mistakes(EX. your attitude, your behavior)
i'll list about this later too...
3.and if it's your parents problems but you are the one who is blamed to take the responsibility, what can you do?
for me, i think i'll just keep trying to made them understand that they are not always the right side. i'll try to find one way that can let them understand my feelings but also realize that they maybe can use another way to treat me.
topic sentences for the 4th paragraph: what do parents think when they have a fight with their children because of different opinons, and what about children?
(i think i'll let this part be the interview part.)
And i found an interesting website: http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-Will-Never-Change-Their-Behavior.php though it's for parents, but i think the information will be useful.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4457456_fix-communication-problems.htmland another totally match to my topic.
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