trust ((資料來源: 某論文節錄

當親子間無法建立友誼分享的關係因素包括以下：
1.拿放大鏡看待孩子的每項小事情，做出過度反應、失去冷靜，包括言語的刺激
與貶抑的嘮叨。
2.不理會孩子的意見，單方面設立嚴格或不講理的規定。
3.利用恐懼和威嚇來教養子女，會造成孩子使用欺騙的方式回應，而非共同設定
彼此應當遵守的規則。
4.屈服於孩子的要求，一味的姑息懷柔，會造成予取予求。
 My opinion:
In brief, I think I should share this article with my mom...
For an example that happened today(around 7:30P.M.) I went to 高偉 this afternoon, because of my undone homework, my mother agreed me that I could go home by myself and do them. "You need to buy dinner first." She said so.
And I did what she said.(After rushing out the MRT station at 6:30, I went to Mcdonald near my home and bought my dinner) Everything seemed fine. But when I finally steped in my room and checked my cellphone, I saw 6 phone calls from my mom. What made me frown was because the time: 7:08, 7:09,7:10,7:11,7:13,7:14(I can show you guys picture if you want to see = =)
I called her, then I became "A teenage girl that must went out with somebody that her parents don't know and rather die than tell the truth." And all I could say was "What the hell you are thinking!"And of couse, I didn't dare to tell her that.
I was almost lost control of my motion when she told me, "Hey kid, you can tell me who did you went out with, I won't say a word if you tell the truth. By the way, don't use facebook or line, you know my cellphone can read all your mails."
According to the paragragh, she had perfectly done 1 on the list. Well, 2and 33 is because I can't get another example right now.

How could you let your children feel that he or she is be respected if he or she has nothing called
(useless)privacy? How can they really let you understand them just like a friend if you don't made them feel comfortable to stay with you?
Trust is not the excuse to let parents satisfy their control over thier children.



親子相處模式中，必須建立信任的基礎。造成不信任的因素有幾項：
1.只要親子其中一方不守承諾，不信任的高牆便會開始堆砌。
2.有時孩子並不希望父母知道自己的行為，欺瞞之下，信任度隨之瓦解。
3.習慣性地質疑對方動機，也會築起不信任的高牆。
4.當親子一方沒有作出承諾，另一方卻抱著期待，這個未能實現的期待，也會造
成不信任的高牆。
5.如果拒絕讓孩子自己作決定，孩子性格容易變成依賴或叛逆這兩極化，並且不
信任我們的判斷。
6.忽視、拒絕雖非父母的初衷，然而有時卻會在無意間帶給孩子這種感覺。

感覺到不信任已經入侵親子關係時，應立即採取行動，以下五個步驟：
1.作出簡單的承諾，並且確實遵守。
2.當信任遭破壞時，不要灰心放棄，或者情緒化。
3.習慣性地質疑對方動機，也會築起不信任的高牆。與其試圖猜測對方動機，不
如直接開口問自己須要知道的事。
4.當親子一方沒有作出承諾，另一方卻抱著期待，這個未能實現的期待，也會造
成不信任的高牆。
5.如果我們拒絕讓孩子自己作決定，孩子性格容易變成依賴或叛逆這兩極化，並
且不信任我們的判斷。

你不能控制孩子怎麼說、怎麼做，卻可以控制自己的言行。先從自身開始改
變起，相信孩子的態度也會被改變。
如果問題是在於孩子，身為家長，你也當主動找孩子把問題談開，和孩子正面分
享感受，即使過程遇到挫敗，也別放棄，只要你願意堅持，愛必然溶化僵局。
重建親子間的友誼，勢必須要付上時間的代價。首先，要回過頭檢視高牆形成
的原因，探索移除的方法，記住，認錯是移除高牆的開始

The point is that the only person who is wrong will never be her.
And even though I tried to talk to her, the attitude that she showed always made me feel uncomfortable and began to lose control of myself.
But I really want her not to keep saying that " Just listen to what I say! Children shouldn't talk back!"

A fight between us AGAIN

We had a fight again yesterday morning.
When she called me to her room and showed me her phone, on the screen there was the content of a conversation between me and a friend.(And that's a boy) The reason why she was upset I could understand, of course."I'm worry about you when I see you are chatting with someone I don't know! " she said. Then the content turned into my final exam's score and my bad attitude.(Actually, I have to say that my attitude wasn't really good, and my reason will be explained in my advices. But I just don't understand what made her thought of my greades?) I didn't talk back but I refused to answer any questions she asked, including "Where did the boy from?""When did you start chatting with him?""How long you two have been chatting on Facebook?" "How old is he?"... and so on.
As most parents, they care and try to figure out what kind of friends their kids are spending time with is nothing big deal, but what made me feel unacceptable was she has looked at the record of me and my friends AGAIN!!! I'm too tired to give other examples when she wants to have a 'little talk' with me for same things over and over again.

I would like to give her some advices... if she wants to listen. (But I think it's quite hard because she would be hard to have a conversation with when she is in a bad mood.)

1.Try to believe what I tell her.
When I say "That's just one of my friends!" She never really show that she trusts me. She said that's not only because I chatted with these people frequently but also most of them were boys.
→ To me, that's totally nothing big deal chatting with boys online or by phone. And I would control my behavior if she could talk to me in a better way. (When people talk to me in a loud voice and stare at me like I've owed them 1 billion dollars, I'll feel uncomfortable and upset immediately.) Don't always think things would be lke this like that in her opinion, and refused to give me a chance to explain the truth or just tell me that what I've said must be a lie.

2. Clam down first.
That's really important if you can't control your mood and talk to others, it's almost imposible to have a conversation with others. When she is mad at me, I prefer not to say a word because I want her to calm down.But sometimes what she said just made me feel so uncomfortable and acceptable that I would talk back immediately. And that made the situation get worse.
→ And she never admit that she is mad when she is really mad. That made the conversation more difficult than in normal situations.

3. Stop checking my facebook and line and whatever
I know this would be impossible for her to stop checking my cellphone or facebook because she always tells me that she is worry about me. "I'll stop until you are 18." And now her line changed into " I'll stop this until you're in university." Well, I'm afraid that she might never stop this.
I feel uncomfortable because facebook and line are where I can share my feelings with my friends, and that's important and personal for me. I've tried to talk to her about that, but when I mentioned about not to check my record of chatting, she will be really really mad immediately. So now I've almost given up this advice.(But in truth, I really want her try not to keep doing this...)

4.Focus on the topic that really made her upset
Just don't made everything related to my grades because I can't see what made them become "same thing". And I just don't understand why my improvement of final exam would related to the reason "seldom use computer". I can understand if she was upset about the thing just happened, but I don't want her keep yelling at me for something that happened before.


((我下次的文章應該會寫一些我看的相關書籍或者是文章的摘要或心得感想

這樣算觀察嗎?

I want to know why I become who I am now. And I know that it must related to my family, especially my mother and my sisters. I want to know how much they have influenced me, and what did they bring to me through those past 17(or 16) years.
I want to understand more about myself through this project, to compare now and before and why the way we treat each other changed. What's more, WHEN it started to change, and why the way we treat each other become like this right now.
And I want to know if I can turn it to a better way.



But I don't know if my topic is including in self-discovery or the family part. And I'm not sure about the connect between me and the world.